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Revision Plans for Assignment 3

Posted on November 11, 2017

During peer review, my partner provided a lot of insight on how much I was missing from my paper and better ways to improve it. My sources are all from scientific journals and articles but it was pointed out that maybe a firsthand account from an actual disabled person would allow me to incorporate ethos into my paper. There are also some ways I could make my thesis clearer and have a firmer stance by changing the question to a statement instead. There are also citations that are done incorrectly which could be fixed by revisiting the citation website.

Reviewing my partner’s paper, I realized that I could include more statistics and facts that can back up my claim. There were also parts where my partner demonstrated their stance very clearly on their issue and I could definitely learn how to incorporate that into my paper as well.
Thesis Statement: Are prosthetics enough to return a person’s life back to normalcy?

My thesis statement currently does not provide a clear stance on what I’m arguing for. My stance on the matter is that I do think that prosthetics are enough to return normalcy to a person’s life to a certain extent. I would need to change my thesis into a statement rather than a question and I would also need to provide a clearer stance of that in my paper as right now, it’s going back and forth between my argument and the counter-arguments. I would also need to include in the paper why the topic is important right now as that is lacking from the paper. As of right now, the only sources in my document are from scientific journals as well as a medical textbook. I believe that I have enough facts to reinforce my point but I also believe that I could include some personal anecdotes from actual disabled people.

jefzheng

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