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As I Am

Posted on September 13, 2017

Sometimes I feel as though not many people can relate to the way I think or tend to express myself. I say many things I don’t mean yet I always find myself blabbering about these so called things. Most of this blog post will consist of ranting by the way. Anyways, the most important thing you need to know about me is that I tend to think very negatively. Not the immature negative but the “I hate everyone in here. Why am I here? (In terms of location not in the living sense (Awks ))” And so on. I don’t know why but I’ve been like this since grade school. I can be a huge buzzkill most times and at other times I can be the most joyful person on Earth, but mostly the first. I don’t what it is about me that tends to think this way. I’m not trying to be on my emo flow but I seriously think it has to do with my childhood. I mean doesn’t your personality reflect your experiences? This relates to the way I see myself. I sometimes discredit myself and doubt my ability to do anything. I don’t know how I made it this far because I don’t give myself enough credit for my accomplishments. Maybe this is why I dislike vain and egotistical people. I’ve never felt that amount of pride, so it grinds my gears when people try to boast about their minute and meaningless accomplishments. See I told you I’m a buzzkill. Don’t mistake my lack of pride for being humble though.

Since we’re talking about all things dark I’m compelled to reveal that I also have a dark humor. If you were to hear about all the messed up jokes I made with my friend Estrella you’d honestly be triggered. I’m not the type to joke about serious problems like mental illness, physical disabilities, and such but for the most part we tend to laugh at things most wouldn’t find humorous. Another example of I discredit myself is when people describe me as funny. I’ve always been labeled the jokester in high school and even in my own family. I usually say what’s in my mind and people laugh at it because they think I mean don’t mean it but in actuality I do. For example, over the EOP Summer Academy most people thought that I was joking when I said my physics TA was useless but I sincerely meant that he offered no help. But instead most took it as a joke. I didn’t intend to throw him under the bus, but if theres one thing I’m good at it’d keeping it real. That’s enough ranting though. Stay tuned and hit me up if you’d like for me to elaborate on some points.


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