Posted on November 11, 2017
During peer review, my partner has provided a lot of insight towards the way my essay was written. She has brought to my attention some ways on how my essay is structured and also talked about some areas of improvement. Along with some areas of improvement, there was also some strong claims in my essay that she pointed out. For example, the areas that I need to improve on is citing my information that I have used from an article, as well as make my persuasion claim more present and visible to the reader. As of right now, I have only five pages for my first draft. I have provided the information that is needed for the readers to truly understand what ADAPT, the activist group that I am focusing on, is about. I added this much information to my essay because the reader should understand what ADAPT is truly about and what they believe in. The reader should also understand some strategies that the ADAPT group uses to show that they are fighting for what they believe in. However, I am glad that my partner took notice to the persuasive aspect of my essay, which states that critic claims are false when they state that nothing is being done to help advancements within the disabled community. This is the main point that I am going to focus on within my essay.
As I take further steps in editing my essay, I am going to draw back my attention on all the facts and details and put it towards the persuasive part of my essay. I want to show my claims towards this topic and why I believe that the disabled community is actually getting the attention that they deserve. In the next few pages, I am going to talk about my stance on the topic and why I believe critics are wrong to a certain extent. I have discussed in my essay why Obamacare was important and how the sit-in was brought towards the media and was given attention by many. I am going to now focus on making my argument stronger and clearer for the reader so that they know where I am coming from and why the background information was necessary and important. That is where my attention is directed towards now in the few pages to come.